I've been wanting to write this post, but my eyes & mind have not been co-operating so well tonight. Maybe I can get it done. First of all the nurse from the UAB called this morning. I had to print out a lot of papers to fill out & gather a lot of stuff up to send them before they can set up my appt. Hopefully we will get an appt time sometime next week. One problem is I have No insurance & very low funds.. So trying to get an appt. for a very expensive test & even more expensive surgery with no insurance or money isn't the easiest thing. but we are praying!! The nurse said she should be able to get me in after the receive all the paperwork & get things together. So please Pray with us.. I need all of this soon. My symptoms are getting worse & worse. Thank you all for your prayers.
Yesterday (well actually Tuesday, since I see it's now Thursday. I'm still on Wed. since I'm still up) So anyway...
Tuesday would have been my Grandpa's 91st birthday. How do I even begin to say what my grandpa meant to me. My grandpa is the first man I ever loved & he on a very short list of men that I always knew beyond a shadow of a doubt loved me no matter what. He didn't care what I said, how I looked, what I was thinking, etc... He loved me unconditionally & I him. My Grandpa as far as I'm concerned was great, did he have faults, yes! But to me he was GREAT!! I miss him each & everyday!!
He could light up a room with his hearty laugh, he never called me Tina, I was "Tink, Sissy, or Tiner".. My precious daughter, Kaitlyn was only five when my grandfather passed away. To him she wasn't Kaitlyn, she was "Sweet Baby Girl", & that is exactly what she is, our sweet baby girl. Actually He did not call anyone in our family by their names. We all had special names he called each of us..
Right now during the holidays is when I miss him even more. There has not been a holiday or birthday that has been the same since he passed away in 2005. My grandpa made the holidays. He was so excited during birthdays, Christmas & etc. He actually got more excited than the kids.. I loved giving him gifts, he was so much like a kid, he would light up & laugh as he was opening it (regardless of what it was, he was excited) Just thinking about it I can hear his laugh.. I'll be the first to admit, holidays will NEVER be the same without him. But one day I pray to hear that laugh again.
So anyway, Tuesday on his birthday my mom went to get my Granny to take her to lunch. My Granny wanted me to go, I had not been able to get out of the house due to so many problems with this dreaded disease in over a week. I prayed & prayed to be able to get the strength to go with them. I started getting ready a little at a time, it takes a long time because my head usually starts hurting so bad & I get so dizzy that usually now I have to take breaks & sit or lay down it gets so bad before I can continue to get ready. But I finally was able to get dressed & sit awhile & call momma to come pick me up. So I got to go with two ladies I love dearly, My mom & my Granny for lunch. Since Granny loves Cracker Barrel that is where we went, I got the kids veg. plate, I got the dumplings & they were good.
Afterwards, my mom needed to run to Hobby Lobby (my favorite store) to pick up a couple of cake pans. I went in & was looking at the Christmas Ornaments ( I love Christmas Ornaments & try to get a new special one each year) Someone usually stays with me now anytime we are out because I never know when a blackout spell, severe migraine, dizziness, or loss of vision will hit.. Well of course, I thought I would be "OKAY" while looking at the ornaments & told her she could go on and get what she needed I was going to stay looking at them.. Well I was WRONG!! Unfortunately I bent down to look at some ornaments on the bottom row. And got really dizzy & shaking all over. When I tried to get up, WELLLLL let's just say up is not the position I went.. I fell in the concrete floor right there in the middle of the isle. And was shaking so bad I could not get up. When I tried I ended back up in the floor. I was completely horrified.. I wanted to run & hide (but since I couldn't get up that wasn't possible..) Some nice lady came over to help me. I couldn't bring myself to even look at her. I told her I'd be okay in a little bit, but well that little bit wasn't helping.. I had ornaments in my hand, she offered to help me up, but of course that evil little pride told her I'd get it in a moment.. Well after severaly "moments" I finally held on to the metal display & shakily pulled myself out of the floor. I told her Thank you without ever looking her in the face, all while trying to tell her I was so embarrassed & was having a lot of health problems.. What do you say to someone that is trying to help you out of the floor, while trying not to look up at all the people in a store wondering "Why in the world this lady is laid out in the floor", or "What in the world has she got a hold of to be so clumzy & shaky" I had all kind of things going thru my head of what everyone was thinking.. And all I knew was I wanted to thank her & I wanted to HIDE. All while still feeling like I could hit the floor again at any moment, thank the Lord for buggies to hold on to. Then of course when my mom & Granny got back over there (while I'm trying to hide out) she finds out & is upset she left me.. Bless her she's a tiny little thing, I don't know what she thinks she was going to do? If she tried to catch me I'm pretty sure I'd smush her.. :) Then we both would have been on the floor. (I have to make stupid jokes at myself to get thru all of this stuff) So bear with me.. So then we finally flee, ooops I mean leave Hobby Lobby. All while praying it wasn't caught on camera for employees to send in to "Funniest Home, well store, Videos" So if you see me on the show let me know only if I win a lot of money..
Now on to today, (well Wednesday). Felt really bad most of the day. I usually do anytime I try to really accomplish anything now. It takes every bit of energy I can muster & leaves me completely drained & usually in a lot of pain the next day & several days later.. But I was trying once again to muster the strength to go to Bible Class (I hate missing, but unfortunately I'm not able to go a lot here lately since things are getting worse & worse) But I made it.. Yeah, victory.. Unfortunately while I made it there, once there after a little while I started not doing well. I couldn't answer any questions, becasue my vision went for a while, then everything just ran togehter. ( oh no I'm sitting here trying to tyoe & its starting to mess up some now, since I know where the keys are maybe I can make it thru a little more.) Bear with me.. Anyway vision going & I streted dying burning up. Then I was dizzy, So I mainly sat there with my eyes closed listening. But at least I was able to be there and listen. After class, I had to have help getting to my seat for the devotion & song service. And then I had to have help getting to the car.. I get in so much pain & so dizzy & shakey it is either get help or end up ,on the ground.. Neither of which I enjoy, but I have to swallow my pride & have help..Well I've got to stop because the eyes are gettig worse and soon I won't be able to see to finish to post.. So good night. I'll try to attempt a more upbeat post tomorrow or hopefully soon..
-Tina
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