A poem about my stuggle with Cushing's Disease

Who Is That I See

I look in the mirror,

And what do I see?

Who is that woman,

Staring back at me?

Face so red and round, 

Hair falling out,
on the ground.

It is all depressing,

Without a doubt.

High blood pressure, diabetes,
Migraines, and more...
Bone pain, joint pain, muscle pain all make me sore.
Sometimes I feel,
 I just can't take any more!
Dear Cushing's,
Can't we just sign a peace treaty? 

Hairs on my chin,
Acne on my face.
What is going on here?
Don't bring that camera near.

I try to hide,
Ashamed of what I see.
No longer the person, 
I use to be.
 
Now let's add fatigue to the list,
Does this all make you intrigued?
Sometimes this disease just makes me mad!
Other times it makes me sad.
I can't sleep,
I stay so tired,
Mr. Sandman, I think, needs to be FIRED!

When I finally dose off, for an hour or two,
Peaceful sleep remains to elude.
My family says every night, I cry in my sleep, 
I guess that is what my mind and body need.
I guess that is its way,
Of dealing and  healing.

They say I have a tumor in my head,
There are days I hurt so bad,
 I just want stay in bed!
So much pain!
So much confusion!

The list of gifts from that tumor and Cushing's continue,
Let me make sure I didn't leave anything off the menu.

I can't forget,
High Cholesterol, and Obesity, 
I hate being so chubby!
Did I mention it increases my risk,
 Of a Heart attack or stroke!
We can't leave that off the list.

Oh! I haven't shared how much I sweat,
While my whole family is freezing you can bet.
Another gift is brittle bones, 
And bruises too.
Wow! Cushing's has so much to do.

I wish it would get tired, of picking on me,
Just leave me alone, let me be.
Go on vacation,
Then we could have a celebration!

Time to move on,
Maybe I should write a song.

My mind, my mind,
I hope one day to find.
I can no longer think straight,
Forget being able to concentrate!
What happened yesterday?
I can't even remember much of today.
Will my mind come back,
Or did it just pack up and leave?
If someone finds it,
Please bring it back to me

I try to talk,
But my mind often takes a walk.
What did I just say?
Well that's not the way,
I heard it in my head.
Oh no! I just said something stupid again.
Sometimes conversation I simply dread!
So please look past what I may say,
Remember the way I was on a good day.

Now let's get back to the list,
Sometimes I wish I could just punch Cushing's with my fist!!

Rooms now spin,
I just can't win.
I need help to walk across the floor,
So don't worry about me running for the door.

I can no longer drive,
Sometimes I could use a good cry!
I try to put on a happy face,
And stay strong,
Even though it all seems wrong.  
I always try look ahead,
And remember God is in control.
Even now when this tumor, 
And Cushing's so much has stole.

Cushing's really does stink,
Don't you think?
It makes me sick,
My immune system takes a dive.
Heart problems, thyroid problems, and PCOS.
all while I fight to stay alive!

Let's not forget that lovely Buffalo Hump
Which makes me feel more in the dumps.

Once again I look in the Mirror.
Who is that I see?
I don't know the  person staring back at me!

I see her eyes,
And they look familiar
But all the other features,
Make me feel like some strange creature

Let's not forget,
All the fun mental things.
Depression, Anxiety,
And lovely mood swings!

My mind is slipping
I'm left gripping.
Trying to hold on to all I love so dear,
While inside I have so much fear

Fear of getting worse day by day, 
If I don't get the treatment I need,
I pray the doctors will soon proceed.
Fear I will not get to be the person I am inside.
That she will have to stay,
knocked off to the side.
The person who loves a last moment adventure,
I'm so ready to venture!

Fear of not being what my family deserves,
At times it really gets on my nerves.

Then I think of the surgery I need.
I pray I can get it, 
And it will work,
Then let's take all this Cushing's junk,
And throw it in a trunk.
And pray, we never have to open it again,
Then my new life can begin.
 
Each day I pray to stay strong,
Even when my mind and body feel so wrong.
I  pray, and  try to encourage my family,
Thankfully God is beside me,
 each step of the way.

I hate to see them worry, 
I hate to see them cry
Don't worry,PRAY!
I say to them,
Each and every day!

I love my family, more than life,
I just have to get through, all this strife.
The strife Cushing's is causing me day after day,
The way it has my life on delay.

Sometimes I have to make myself laugh,
So I can stay tough.
I make jokes,
And act like a clown,
All so I will not break down.
While inside at times I'm crying,
And I feel like I'm dying!

I dream of doing so many things,with my daughter again,
Goofing off, playing, and just having fun.
 Dancing around,
Or going for a run.
I dream of once again being able to date my husband.
Going with him on a walk,
While enjoying a nice long talk.
Maybe we can go bowling, 
Or find a canoe and go rowing.

I dream of being able to go horseback riding,
once again with my brother.
And hanging out with my mother and grandmother.
Of running around at the park with my daughter and niece 
I can't wait to get better, 
And finally have some peace.
Then we all,
Can begin to live life to its fullest,
And have a ball!

This awful disease isn't only mine you see,
My family is going through all of this with me.

But for now,
 I continue to struggle.
And spend each day
trying to juggle.

Juggling all the problems,
Cushing's has caused!
While it puts my life on pause.

When will this end?

Where does Cushing's end,

And where do I begin?

When will my life be mine again?

 Copyright © Tina Harden 
January 2014

A very personal poem I wrote many years ago

To The Man I've Never Known

HURT

TEARS

SADNESS

FEAR

Inside this grows throughout the years!

ANGER

PAIN

DARKNESS

HATE

These feelings start at such a young age!

 I sit, I wait, You NEVER came

Inside they boil, inside they grow

Feelings no child should ever know

I sit and watch, so little so small

I sit and wait, but you don't come or call

The wind outside blows

Cars they pass and flee

Fathers and daughters pass by with glee

Tears they fall

I don't understand, WHY?

Don't understand why, at all

Days, weeks, months, and years

They pass by, with so many tears

DARKNESS it seeps, hatred it growns

Once a loving, innocent child

Now bitterness and hate I feel inside

A heart BROKEN into 

Once so shining, once so true

One side a bright happy place

For the love others give me

But one side so dark, it grows cold and hard

LIES
DECEIT
DISTRUST OF MEN

Look at what you did!

No man could break through those walls

Because you made them grow Oh, so tall

Until the age of twenty six

Hatred grows and grows inside

I feel so much ANGER, SADNESS, and HATE

I wished you sorrow

I wished you PAIN

Everyday in my hear,t for you was the same

So many YEARS, so many TEARS

You missed me talk, you missed me walk

You missed my very first date

You missed my first HEARTBREAK

You missed me not know the man or boy you were

You missed me wondering and asking, WHY you, WHY me?!

You missed her love

You missed her trying to make me see 

The man she thought you were going to be

You missed all the LOVE and STRENGTH she gave to me

You left us both, I grew to HATE

She FORGAVE and that made me INSANE

She told me, "You loved me"

I said, "What a LIE"

I even said, "I wish you would DIE!"

But on one bright and shining day

This all broke, this all changed

From the grace of GOD

The darkness and hate all came tumbling down

Now forgiveness truly abounds

WHY? You may say

Well it was all because of someone so small

A LOVE so true and pure

There was no room in my heart for hatred at all!

She grew under and in my heart day by day

She made all the darkness slip away

And when I held her the very first time

Oh the LOVE I felt inside

With such a tiny SMILE, and ten tiny toes

The years of hate seem to vanish away

They really didn't matter anymore at all

I started to care, I learn to FORGIVE

All this as she was starting to live

I started to understand, I started to see

Why my mom could never hate you, because she LOVED me

I started to realize if there were no you, there would be no me

My brother and I were her life you see

And if I never was, if there was never a me

What about this child, this precious GIFT of mine

She wouldn't be here for the whole world to LOVE

So it's true GOD has a plan

Even if we don't understand

So even though I never saw it then

And it was true, you never were there

But it was really you that missed out

The hatred I felt, it never hurt you

But inside it was DESTROYING me

And killing the very soul GOD gave to me

So now I'm grown, and now I see

Maybe there was a certain love you had for me

Even if it was one I never got to see

A love that only you understand

Because love was something you never had growing up

It's true you were never a part of my life

A fact that never escaped me

I tried a PERFECT life to live

This was a vow I made

Even if perfect, I would never be

I was determined that you,

No one would see through me

Another man became my DAD and loved me

And beside my mom he held my hand

He was the one that was around

I now know, you not being there

Was one of the greatest gifts of all

So I no longer HATE, I no longer DESPISE

But now only PITY, SADNESS, and FORGIVENESS are inside

Because despite never knowing you, despite feeling so BETRAYED

Feeling Anger and Hate, from such a small age

I've came to realize, maybe it's true

It wasn't that you never loved me

I'm sure you did, in your own way

It was that you never knew how to love

Not the love I wanted to know

Because you never had it yourself,

Never at all!

Copyright © Tina Harden

 

A poem I wrote after 9/11 in 2001

Tragic Tuesday

That Tuesday started as any other day.

As Katie and I sat and played.

 Until that plane took to the sky, 

The world as we knew it pasted on by.

We still didn't know what had happened you see,

For we were sitting around playing with glee.

Until I was on the phone,

And my mom asked, did we have the tv on,

We then found out the terrible news.

About how so many had lost their lives,

Now so many were without their loved ones.

I then stood there in shock to see,

All that was happening in the world around me.

I held my daughter oh so tight, while I sat there and cried,

For the world as I knew it had pasted away.

It was so terrible to see,

How could anyone be so heartless and mean.

I kept holding my daughter so tight,

And thanked God we were all alive.

I thanked him for all I have,

And prayed for those, who were now without.

So many people lost their lives,

Sons, daughters, moms, dads, husbands, and wives.

The day the sky flashed, with that mighty crash, 

And all those mighty buildings crashed to the ground.

Yes, it was a tragic day,

The day they took our innocence away.

The day we all will never forget.

It all seems so wrong,

But we all must be strong.

For now we may not understand,

But we must know that God has a plan.

He is always by our side,

Morning, noon and night.

Always remember who is in control, 

And with him we can never go wrong.

Just remember he knows what's best.

And he knows what must be,

Even when we can not see.

For now we must have faith,

In God's love, power and grace.

  Copyright © Tina Harden 2001

A poem I wrote my mom back in 2001

Mothers

Mothers were sent from God above,

to show the world how to love.

How to love, you might say,

a true mother knows no other way.

A true mother knows her child inside and out,

pe She knows when they are happy, sad or mad, without a doubt.

A mother always knows what to do,

whether her child is happy or blue.

She's always there to share a laugh,

or there to lend an ear.

She's there to share a cry,

or there to wipe away the tears.

The world today is not a perfect place to be,

but a true mother tries her best to change that fact.

To make her child happy and free,

To make them smile each day with glee.

Mothers are special this is true,

I should know I have you.

Dear mom you're always there for me

and I know you always will be.

Thank you mom for teaching me how to love,

this I hope to pass on to my little girl.

I hope and pray I can be the kind of mom you have been to me.

Copyright © Tina Harden 2001

"Oct" means eight, Right??

This is just more proof that this momma needs supervision even during "schooling".. Me to Kaitlyn- "Just remember "oct" means eight like octopus, they have 8 legs, so an octagon, has 8 sides & like October, is the 8th month".. And I continue on and on... Then my sweet child waits and says, "Momma, October is not the 8th month, it is the 10th month.".. Me- ooops! You are so right! LOL "Well there goes my whole explanation speech" So she then got a history lesson and gave me a history lesson. She went online and looked up Why isn't October the 8th month. We then found out it was originally the 8th month until Julius Caesar created the month, July, after his name and put it before October, then making it the 9th month. Then after his death, his nephew, Augustus Caesar, did the same by creating August. Which then moved October to being the 10th month. So there ya go, everyone can have a little history lesson about the month October. So I was partly right... Right??? LOL Note to others if you ever have this problem. Use the, "Oh, I was just checking to see if you were paying attention" statement. But be prepared your child probably will not fall for that any more than my child. I guess I could always write a book, "Reasons mom should not be in charge of homeschooling, if she has a brain tumor" People could read it, laughing some days & crying on other days. So remember "Oct" means 8 until Julius Caesar went and messed up the months.. LOL

Preparing myself to what happens after surgery...

I've been trying to research and talk to others online that have Cushing's Disease, and have already gone through surgery. I'm so glad and thankful to have a diagnosis and finally have a consultation date with a surgeon. It's crazy when I look back at all the years I've had all these different health problems. When I think of it all sometimes it gets overwhelming to think about "if only" this could have been discovered years ago. Many of my symptoms and complications from this disease have been with me for over 20 years.. That is crazy to think about, I have to stop myself from all the "what ifs" or "if only they could have found this earlier" But I can't help but wonder. I've been "sick" for over half my life.. I started blood pressure meds at the age of 16. It use to go so high in high school that I would pass out in class. Then I had to quit college due to severe health problems. It greatly affected my working ability over the years. All the health problems just kept going, and going, getting worse and worse. Until finally my body has reached its limits.. I'm glad I saw some things about Cushing's online and noticed that "Hey I have all of those symptoms" .. One of those lightbulb moments. So then I talked to my doctor and told him I wanted him to test me for Cushing's. Of  course, He said, "No worry, Tina, everything is going to be okay. Cushing's is really rare." Then all the testing began. Testing started in Sept. 2013 and continued until Nov.2013. When he confirmed "my" diagnosis of Cushing's. He told me, I didn't want to believe that you actually had Cushing's so I performed several of the test over and over, hoping they were not right, because Cushing's is not good. But I'm sorry to say you definitely have Cushing's. Not a happy thing to hear, but when you have suffered for so long with so many unexplainable health problems. When you've heard more times than you care to think, "Well if you just got out more", "If you just ate better", "If you just would exercise more", "Maybe it is all just your nerves", "I think she may be a hypochondriac", "Maybe she just doesn't want to work", "She can't really be that sick","It is all in your head" (Hey, by the way anyone who thought or told me this... Guess what?? yep it is all in my head.. There is a tumor there.. So see I'm not crazy!! I'm really sick, so I couldn't just get over it!!) Over the years it hurt, when people doubted all the sickness, and pain that I have experience. For all the doctors who threw different meds at me, never actually finding out WHY I have all these health problems.. For years I have caught every illness I'm around.. Now I know why.. The tumor, Cushing's Disease, lowers your immune system a lot. It can all get overwhelming.. Then I've been researching what to expect after surgery. Then I learn it is not one of those get surgery, and feel great.. Then I get concerned that others will once again doubt me, thinking well she should already be better. It would be great to have the surgery and feel great.. Of course no matter what I read, that is what I pray will happen. I also pray that no matter what I may go through after surgery, that others will remember what is posted below. And everyone will be patient with me through the difficulties that may occur after surgery. Some of the ladies I've talked to on support groups that have already had the surgery, some of their stories are not happy ones. They all remind me to remember how long it took my body & mind to get as bad as it now, and to be patient after surgery. To remember all this did not happen to my body/mind over night, and it will not all be better over night either..

What can I expect after surgery..

It can take some time to feel back to normal, to lose weight, to regain strength, and to recover from depression or loss of memory. It is important to remember that the high cortisol levels physically change the body and brain, and that these changes may reverse quite slowly. This is a normal feature of the recovery period and patience is definitely a virtue here.
After a successful pituitary surgery, cortisol levels are very low. This can continue for 3–18 months after surgery. These low levels of cortisol can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, aches and pains, and a flu-like feeling. These feelings are common after surgery as the body adjusts to the lower cortisol levels. Doctors give people a cortisol-like medicine until recovery of the pituitary and adrenal glands is either well under way or complete.
Hydrocortisone or prednisone is usually used for this purpose. Doctors monitor the recovery of the pituitary and adrenal glands by measuring morning cortisol values, or by testing the ability of the adrenal glands to secrete cortisol in response to an injected medication similar to ACTH.
Until the pituitary and adrenal glands recover, the body does not respond normally to stress – such as illness – by increasing cortisol production. As a result people who suffer with ‘flu’, fever or nausea may have to double the oral dose of the glucocorticoid when they are sick. However, this increased dosage should only be used for 1–3 days. On occasion, people can suffer vomiting or severe diarrhea that prevents them from absorbing the glucocorticoids taken by mouth.
In this situation, it may be necessary to receive injections of dexamethasone or another glucocorticoid, and seek emergency medical care. If it is necessary to have a prolonged increase in hydrocortisone, a doctor should evaluate this need, and a ‘tapering’ regimen may be needed to reduce the dose back to the daily requirement. 

Post-operative relative adrenal insufficiency is often accompanied by lightheadedness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, fatigue and weight loss. Given that patients with Cushing's disease are accustomed to very high levels of cortisol, even a relative reduction in cortisol levels can result in symptoms of adrenal withdrawal. It is important to emphasize to the patient cured of Cushing's disease the importance of daily glucocorticoid replacement and the potential clinical consequences of untreated adrenal insufficiency. Acute adrenal crisis is a life-threatening condition that occurs when there is not enough cortisol, a hormone produced by the adrenal glands. Patients should be advised to wear a medical alert bracelet. In addition, they should be advised to double their steroid dose during illness, to receive parenteral glucocorticoids if unable to use orally, and to inform all health care providers that they are taking steroids. It often takes 6 months to 2 years for patients to recover from affects of their Cushing's and be able to discontinue glucocorticoid replacement therapy. In some cases, central adrenal insufficiency may be a permanent complication from surgery and lifelong replacement may be needed. The clinical features of Cushing's begin to improve as soon as the replacement dose is below the level of preoperative cortisol production.
After surgery, frequently contacts with the patient are advisable to optimize downward titration of glucocorticoid replacement. Patients are evaluated 4-6 weeks post-operatively for a more thorough assessment of pituitary function. It is important to determine whether they have developed deficiency in adrenal, thyroid, sex steroid, or growth hormone production. Monitoring for diabetes insipidus and the Syndrome of Inappropriate Anti-Diuretic Hormone secretion is also necessary. Patients usually return several times the first 6 months and at least every 6 months thereafter in order to monitor for recurrent hypercortisolemia.
Tapering prednisone over the ensuing months can be one of the most challenging aspects in the management of Cushing's disease. This is related to the fact that there is no lab test which can determine whether the replacement dose is correct. Each reduction in the amount of prednisone may result in increases in fatigue and lethargy. It is important for patients to anticipate that they will most likely experience an extended period of time (from several weeks to several months) during which they may feel less well before starting to feel better.
Patients need to be counseled that the typical recovery period is approximately one-two years, and that a healthy diet and exercise program are important. Those patients on medical therapy for hypertension or diabetes mellitus should be monitored carefully, as dose reductions may be needed whenever steroid doses are tapered. The recovery from Cushing's can be remarkable, with many patients returning to their pre-Cushing's physical and psychological health within 1-2 years.  (information gathered from various Cushing's Support & Research websites and groups)

Our God is an Awesome God!! I am truly BLESSED!

"Our God is an Awesome God"

I love this song. But this statement is not just a song title. It is so very true.
We serve an Awesome God.



Let's face it we live in a world today, that so many days all we hear is the bad stuff going on in the world. It is true we live in a world that has a lot of evil. We turn on the radio or turn on the t.v. and we are bombarded with bad news, bad images. But thru all the bad, God is there for us. GOD is so much Bigger and Stronger than any of the bad in the world.

If we are Christians, we are comforted in knowing "that this world is not our home".. Even though there is a lot of evil in the world today. It isn't anything new. Read and search your Bibles, there has been evil since that ole' devil tricked Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. But let me tell you, it is not all bad or evil. There really is still a lot of good in this world. And the past few weeks I have been blessed in seeing so much of it all around me. 

Many of you reading this blog know what I have been dealing with lately. Those new to my blog. Can catch up by hitting the tab labeled Cushing's Disease. A brief note about it, In Sept. I went to my endocrinologist. While I was there, as many other times over the years, I was telling him, again, how bad I feel all the time, and explaining that it just keeps getting worse, not better. My memory, well I basically most days do not have any short term memory.. But that is just one of the many things that I kept telling the doctors about, so this visit, after doing some online research of my own, I asked him to test me for Cushing's. So after looking through my chart, he agreed to test me (he actually thought he had tested me in the past, he said he had made a note to do so. But somehow the test have never been done) Anyway, the journey began.. After 2 months of test after test, I got the confirmed diagnosis of Cushing's. Then he had to run many test to find out where the problem was, so then we started  testing again and discover I have a brain tumor. A tumor on my pituitary, that is secreting hormones that raise my cortisol levels to dangerous levels. This tumor desperately needs removing. So he referred me to a vascular doctor and a neurosurgeon. Then we hit a  BIG road block... I have no insurance.. Then I discover I was denied financial help from the hospital that I need to go to for the surgery. Along with that wonderful news I learn the procedure that I have to have before the surgery (now this is before the surgery, not the surgery price) is at least $10,000 that they need up front.. Last week my mom talked to the nurse again, and the nurse told her that she went and checked on the actual price, she knew it was at least $10,000 but she discovered it is actually $15,000. Needless to say we don't just have that laying around. And this was just for the procedure, not including everything else. And not even starting to deal with the surgery price.. So therefore I do not have an appointment yet.

As my new logo says, "I REFUSE TO SINK",  so we started trying to figure out how we can get me the surgery I need. Then we were BLESSED, by learning so many loving people started working to have a benefit for me to raise money for these medical bills. I am overwhelmed by the love, kindness and generosity that I have been blessed with lately. First of all none of this would be happening without our dear Lord above. God has blessed me with the most AMAZING family. I love my family so much, I don't know what I'd do without them to get me through all of this. My husband is truly an amazing man, I could not make it through any of this without him. Our precious daughter, I also would never survive this without this precious Blessing from God, she gets me through the dark, difficult days. She truly is "My Sunshine", she always knows how to bring a smile to my face. My mom, is the best mom in the world, she is always there for me, beside me, doing everything she possibly can to help me and always there to listen to me. My brother, Kevin, for going around hanging up flyers and getting donations for the benefit. My sister-in-law, Hope,for taking bracelet orders and her sister, Brandi, for making the bracelets. My Granny, for helping spread the word of my benefit and well just because she's my granny, and I love her..My precious, niece, Grace, because she also brightens my world, with her precious smile and when she says, "I love you Nay-Nay". My uncle Robert, Sam, Jennifer, Hannah, and Hayley, all for working on stuff for the benefit. My brother, Stacy, my sister, Terri...and  my... ahhhhh. Okay too many to keep naming... This could go on forever. So since I can't sit and name everyone, all of my family. I love them all!.. I could sit here all night trying to list them all and how much they mean to me.This disease does not only affect me, it affects my entire family. I love each and everyone of them, beyond what words can express!! And then there is my church family, they also are trying to help me get the surgery I need. I love them all and I'm overwhelmed by their love, kindness and generosity. I know they are sending up many prayers on my behalf..God truly has blessed me. 

What is truly amazing to me is all the wonderful people that have NEVER even met me, that are working so hard to help me. So many are working to put the benefit together, many of whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting. My uncle, Robert, and his friends and his fellow band members, David, and so many of them are working and doing so much to putt this benefit together and working to raise money. They are tirelessly working getting things together, getting donations, getting bands to come and play and so much more. They are doing everything they can to help. These people are amazing! They are so loving and generous. I look forward to meeting those I have never met.

All the local business that have helped with donations for the benefit. I thank each of you!

Then I look at the WONDERFUL moms in our local homeschooling group. Many of them I've never met, the past few years we haven't been able to attend  many activities, due to my health. Some of them I have only met very briefly. But even though they do not really know me personally, these precious loving ladies have been fixing and bringing some meals for my family and I. Some of them travel at least 45 minutes to bring us this yummy food. I can not begin to express how much those meals have meant to us. Especially someone who can no longer cook without major supervision and help. (We would like to keep our home and it not burn down, because I forgot I was cooking, when I get distracted, and go off , leave it only to be reminded when you smell something burning... trust me this isn't a good thing to do) So no cooking alone for me anymore.

Then all my online friends, all their help in spreading the word about the benefit,all their prayers and sweet messages to help me through this. Everything.. I love my friends that live in my computer. They are all pretty Great!  ;) LOL

I can not even begin to name everyone, there are so many that have showed me, that even though we may see daily the evils of the world.. There is also a lot of GOODNESS in the world. I have been blessed enough to witness it daily. God has sent so many wonderful people into my life. Thank you Lord, for all the LOVING, KIND, GENEROUS people you have brought into my life. It is so amazing and overwhelming at the same time. In the past I have had days, that I felt alone, that I felt like no one cared.. But that was just another symptom of this lovely brain tumor, it messes with my hormones and emotions.. But GOD, has showed me through the love of so many that nothing could be farther from the truth.. First of all God is always, always with me.. And secondly, he has sent me so many WONDERFUL people that are showing my family and I so much LOVE and SUPPORT. I wish I could sit and list everyone. But I'd be here all night and I'd be scared I'd accidentally leave someone off. But I want each of you to know that your love, kindness and generosity is not going unnoticed. I love and APPRECIATE each and everyone of you. I THANK YOU ALL!! 
 
There are days that are difficult waiting, knowing that without treatment Cushing's can be FATAL.. That just doesn't make you feel good about waiting. I know from all the research I have been doing, that all the symptoms I have, and how they have progressively gotten worse, that my body has already been fighting this too long as it is.  But like I said I'm choosing to remind myself, that God is watching over me, and whatever his will is for me, He will get us through it. Now that is not saying I don't have bad days, I am only human, and this nasty disease also plays heavily on my emotions at times. But through it all I am working daily to try to stay up beat. No need in focusing on the bad, life is too short, to worry about what might be. Each day we wake up is a BLESSING from God, so ENJOY it. Snuggle with your kids, act a little crazy with them, talk to them about everything (even things that may not be interesting to you, if they are telling you about it, it is interesting to them),always take time to show them that what they have to say matters, never make them feel as if other "things" are more important to you,  always tell and show your family and friends how much you LOVE them. Don't wait to later, to send that little note to tell someone just to let them know you are thinking of them or praying for them. None of us are promised tomorrow. So make the most of today. Remember all those little things, one day you will realize those "little things", were the BIG things.So don't let them pass you by!!

Carpe Diem, (Seize the Day)

I love you all! Thank you so much for everything! And remember, Our God is an Awesome God!! 

Happy New Year 2014

Happy New Year, to you all !!

Praying you all have a year full good health, happiness, love & many more blessings from God!

I can say our NEW YEAR has started off with being BLESSED. I sit here tonight writing my blog post, completely in awe of the kindness from someone that really does not know me. She has only seen me briefly on a couple of occasions. "Hellos" & "How are yous" were spoken, and that is about the extent of how much she knows us. My family & I have been unable to attend much of anything in our homeschooling group for the past couple of years, due to my health. So for this amazingly kind lady to take the time to not only prepare food for my family & I, but to also then drive over 40 minutes from where she lives to the town I live, to deliver this food is so incredibly sweet. Words can NEVER express how much this means to me. I pray I will be able to get to know this wonderful family more. God bless her and her family..

It truly is amazing how someone that I am nearly a stranger to, would take the time to help us so much. It shows there is still LOVE and kindness in the world today. So sadly, we live in a world that such kindness is not often seen. We live in a world where there is so much bad, we turn on the news, pick up a paper or get online and we are surrounded by bad news. I'm so happy I can say that today, the first day of the new year, we were BLESSED with LOVE & KINDNESS!

 

What an amazing way to start the NEW YEAR! 

The past several days have been hard, my head has been hurting really bad, with not much relief since Friday. My mom called Monday to talk to the nurse at the UAB.  God bless my mom she called trying to get me an appt. The nurse was very nice, and said she would see what she could do. She is suppose to call my mom back tomorrow. So we shall see, considering financially nothing has changed. A prayer page was set up on Facebook, as suggested by a friend a Paypal Donate button was added to my blog here. A couple of very sweet people have made a donation. They are planning to set up a benefit bank account here in town tomorrow. I hate asking or even having to suggest donations, but we are desperate to get the medical care I need. So I have humbly swallowed my pride and I'm praying we somehow find a way to get the care I need. Because as I've stated before the words, "If left untreated can be fatal" keep flashing in our heads. I'm 40 yrs old, married to a wonderful man, and we have a precious 13 yr daughter. So those words are awful! Like I said before if it was just me I could handle that much better, I could breath easier even if that was what I was facing, if... if... it was just me.. But it's not just me. This affects my family, this is not only my life. It is the life of my daughter, my husband, my mother, my niece, all of my family & etc. But the one that hits me the hardest, is my DAUGHTER.. That child is a true blessing from God. She is the child I prayed, and prayed for, I prayed for this child forever. I was told I could not have children. So my precious daughter, is truly a gift from God.. We are together all the time.. Pretty much 24/7/365, I love this child more than my life.. So I fervently pray, I can get the procedure & surgery needed to help me get well. So I can be here for my precious daughter. 

Thank you all for your prayers & please keep praying!! 

Sending all my prayer warriors lots of (((HUGS))). Much love to you all!! God Bless You all!!

-Tina