To The Man I've Never Known
HURT
TEARS
SADNESS
FEAR
Inside this grows throughout the years!
ANGER
PAIN
DARKNESS
HATE
These feelings start at such a young age!
I sit, I wait, You NEVER came
Inside they boil, inside they grow
Feelings no child should ever know
I sit and watch, so little so small
I sit and wait, but you don't come or call
The wind outside blows
Cars they pass and flee
Fathers and daughters pass by with glee
Tears they fall
I don't understand, WHY?
Don't understand why, at all
Days, weeks, months, and years
They pass by, with so many tears
DARKNESS it seeps, hatred it growns
Once a loving, innocent child
Now bitterness and hate I feel inside
A heart BROKEN into
Once so shining, once so true
One side a bright happy place
For the love others give me
But one side so dark, it grows cold and hard
LIES
DECEIT
DISTRUST OF MEN
DECEIT
DISTRUST OF MEN
Look at what you did!
No man could break through those walls
Because you made them grow Oh, so tall
Until the age of twenty six
Hatred grows and grows inside
I feel so much ANGER, SADNESS, and HATE
I wished you sorrow
I wished you PAIN
Everyday in my hear,t for you was the same
So many YEARS, so many TEARS
You missed me talk, you missed me walk
You missed my very first date
You missed my first HEARTBREAK
You missed me not know the man or boy you were
You missed me wondering and asking, WHY you, WHY me?!
You missed her love
You missed her trying to make me see
The man she thought you were going to be
You missed all the LOVE and STRENGTH she gave to me
You left us both, I grew to HATE
She FORGAVE and that made me INSANE
She told me, "You loved me"
I said, "What a LIE"
I even said, "I wish you would DIE!"
But on one bright and shining day
This all broke, this all changed
From the grace of GOD
The darkness and hate all came tumbling down
Now forgiveness truly abounds
WHY? You may say
Well it was all because of someone so small
A LOVE so true and pure
There was no room in my heart for hatred at all!
She grew under and in my heart day by day
She made all the darkness slip away
And when I held her the very first time
Oh the LOVE I felt inside
With such a tiny SMILE, and ten tiny toes
The years of hate seem to vanish away
They really didn't matter anymore at all
I started to care, I learn to FORGIVE
All this as she was starting to live
I started to understand, I started to see
Why my mom could never hate you, because she LOVED me
I started to realize if there were no you, there would be no me
My brother and I were her life you see
And if I never was, if there was never a me
What about this child, this precious GIFT of mine
She wouldn't be here for the whole world to LOVE
So it's true GOD has a plan
Even if we don't understand
So even though I never saw it then
And it was true, you never were there
But it was really you that missed out
The hatred I felt, it never hurt you
But inside it was DESTROYING me
And killing the very soul GOD gave to me
So now I'm grown, and now I see
Maybe there was a certain love you had for me
Even if it was one I never got to see
A love that only you understand
Because love was something you never had growing up
It's true you were never a part of my life
A fact that never escaped me
I tried a PERFECT life to live
This was a vow I made
Even if perfect, I would never be
I was determined that you,
No one would see through me
Another man became my DAD and loved me
And beside my mom he held my hand
He was the one that was around
I now know, you not being there
Was one of the greatest gifts of all
So I no longer HATE, I no longer DESPISE
But now only PITY, SADNESS, and FORGIVENESS are inside
Because despite never knowing you, despite feeling so BETRAYED
Feeling Anger and Hate, from such a small age
I've came to realize, maybe it's true
It wasn't that you never loved me
I'm sure you did, in your own way
It was that you never knew how to love
Not the love I wanted to know
Because you never had it yourself,
Never at all!
Copyright © Tina Harden
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