Fear starts to creep in....

I'm sitting here thinking as we begin a new week, this is the week I will finally meet with a surgeon for a consultation. We will be traveling to the University of Mississippi Hospital in Jackson. I'm praying we are able to move forward, so I can have the surgery to remove this nasty tumor, praying that then I will begin to heal, then be able to move on  and enjoy life with my family.

Of course, I'm also sitting her praying that all will go well. I have to admit that as much as I want to have this surgery (because Cushing's  left untreated, it can  be fatal), but then at the same time I have to sit here,knowing surgery is always risky. Especially surgery removing a tumor from my brain. So it is scary either way. So I realize while I've been trying so hard to pray and remain strong, that the closer time gets to going to see the surgeon, that I start to feeling more fear. I honestly try not to think about it too much. But the closer it gets, the harder it gets. I pray many times a day for what lies ahead for me and my family. I keep researching and reading about the surgery and about what to expect after the surgery.. I have to admit, it all sounds pretty scary. I will continue to pray, knowing God is in control, and whatever may lie ahead, he will be there. I've read how after surgery things can be very hard for a while, my body will go from having extremely high amount of cortisol to bottoming out. That will send my body into severe withdrawal. Then reading about so many who had complications, or had a tumor recurrence and had to have the surgery several times. Some ended up having to have their adrenal glands removed also. Thankfully I have read of others that had the surgery and after recovery, did really well. Of course that is my prayer, that the surgery will go well, and after recovery I will be able to enjoy life with my family.

So the best thing I can do is pray, and ask each of you to pray. If it was only me I could live with whatever the outcome, but I have a family. I can't imagine not being able to see my daughter grow up, not being able to guide her as she grows, not being able to help her through all the difficult times in life, or being there to share each fun moment, each celebration. I have to keep my mind from wandering into this train of thought, because it is too upsetting. So I try my best to lean on God, to stay upbeat and to remain positive, but there are times when that is difficult. But I move forward, determined to stay strong, determined to have faith that God will get us through this difficult time in whatever we may face.

So this week the journey continues.. My fear starts to sneak up on me, a little bit more as time gets closer. We meet with the surgeon this week, and we will learn what to expect.. Please continue to pray for me, my family and the surgeon as things move forward.