I love this song. But this statement is not just a song title. It is so very true.
We serve an Awesome God.
Let's face it we live in a world today, that so many days all we hear is the bad stuff going on in the world. It is true we live in a world that has a lot of evil. We turn on the radio or turn on the t.v. and we are bombarded with bad news, bad images. But thru all the bad, God is there for us. GOD is so much Bigger and Stronger than any of the bad in the world.
If we are Christians, we are comforted in knowing "that this world is not our home".. Even though there is a lot of evil in the world today. It isn't anything new. Read and search your Bibles, there has been evil since that ole' devil tricked Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. But let me tell you, it is not all bad or evil. There really is still a lot of good in this world. And the past few weeks I have been blessed in seeing so much of it all around me.
Many of you reading this blog know what I have been dealing with lately. Those new to my blog. Can catch up by hitting the tab labeled Cushing's Disease. A brief note about it, In Sept. I went to my endocrinologist. While I was there, as many other times over the years, I was telling him, again, how bad I feel all the time, and explaining that it just keeps getting worse, not better. My memory, well I basically most days do not have any short term memory.. But that is just one of the many things that I kept telling the doctors about, so this visit, after doing some online research of my own, I asked him to test me for Cushing's. So after looking through my chart, he agreed to test me (he actually thought he had tested me in the past, he said he had made a note to do so. But somehow the test have never been done) Anyway, the journey began.. After 2 months of test after test, I got the confirmed diagnosis of Cushing's. Then he had to run many test to find out where the problem was, so then we started testing again and discover I have a brain tumor. A tumor on my pituitary, that is secreting hormones that raise my cortisol levels to dangerous levels. This tumor desperately needs removing. So he referred me to a vascular doctor and a neurosurgeon. Then we hit a BIG road block... I have no insurance.. Then I discover I was denied financial help from the hospital that I need to go to for the surgery. Along with that wonderful news I learn the procedure that I have to have before the surgery (now this is before the surgery, not the surgery price) is at least $10,000 that they need up front.. Last week my mom talked to the nurse again, and the nurse told her that she went and checked on the actual price, she knew it was at least $10,000 but she discovered it is actually $15,000. Needless to say we don't just have that laying around. And this was just for the procedure, not including everything else. And not even starting to deal with the surgery price.. So therefore I do not have an appointment yet.
As my new logo says, "I REFUSE TO SINK", so we started trying to figure out how we can get me the surgery I need. Then we were BLESSED, by learning so many loving people started working to have a benefit for me to raise money for these medical bills. I am overwhelmed by the love, kindness and generosity that I have been blessed with lately. First of all none of this would be happening without our dear Lord above. God has blessed me with the most AMAZING family. I love my family so much, I don't know what I'd do without them to get me through all of this. My husband is truly an amazing man, I could not make it through any of this without him. Our precious daughter, I also would never survive this without this precious Blessing from God, she gets me through the dark, difficult days. She truly is "My Sunshine", she always knows how to bring a smile to my face. My mom, is the best mom in the world, she is always there for me, beside me, doing everything she possibly can to help me and always there to listen to me. My brother, Kevin, for going around hanging up flyers and getting donations for the benefit. My sister-in-law, Hope,for taking bracelet orders and her sister, Brandi, for making the bracelets. My Granny, for helping spread the word of my benefit and well just because she's my granny, and I love her..My precious, niece, Grace, because she also brightens my world, with her precious smile and when she says, "I love you Nay-Nay". My uncle Robert, Sam, Jennifer, Hannah, and Hayley, all for working on stuff for the benefit. My brother, Stacy, my sister, Terri...and my... ahhhhh. Okay too many to keep naming... This could go on forever. So since I can't sit and name everyone, all of my family. I love them all!.. I could sit here all night trying to list them all and how much they mean to me.This disease does not only affect me, it affects my entire family. I love each and everyone of them, beyond what words can express!! And then there is my church family, they also are trying to help me get the surgery I need. I love them all and I'm overwhelmed by their love, kindness and generosity. I know they are sending up many prayers on my behalf..God truly has blessed me.
What is truly amazing to me is all the wonderful people that have NEVER even met me, that are working so hard to help me. So many are working to put the benefit together, many of whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting. My uncle, Robert, and his friends and his fellow band members, David, and so many of them are working and doing so much to putt this benefit together and working to raise money. They are tirelessly working getting things together, getting donations, getting bands to come and play and so much more. They are doing everything they can to help. These people are amazing! They are so loving and generous. I look forward to meeting those I have never met.
All the local business that have helped with donations for the benefit. I thank each of you!
Then I look at the WONDERFUL moms in our local homeschooling group. Many of them I've never met, the past few years we haven't been able to attend many activities, due to my health. Some of them I have only met very briefly. But even though they do not really know me personally, these precious loving ladies have been fixing and bringing some meals for my family and I. Some of them travel at least 45 minutes to bring us this yummy food. I can not begin to express how much those meals have meant to us. Especially someone who can no longer cook without major supervision and help. (We would like to keep our home and it not burn down, because I forgot I was cooking, when I get distracted, and go off , leave it only to be reminded when you smell something burning... trust me this isn't a good thing to do) So no cooking alone for me anymore.
Then all my online friends, all their help in spreading the word about the benefit,all their prayers and sweet messages to help me through this. Everything.. I love my friends that live in my computer. They are all pretty Great! ;) LOL
I can not even begin to name everyone, there are so many that have showed me, that even though we may see daily the evils of the world.. There is also a lot of GOODNESS in the world. I have been blessed enough to witness it daily. God has sent so many wonderful people into my life. Thank you Lord, for all the LOVING, KIND, GENEROUS people you have brought into my life. It is so amazing and overwhelming at the same time. In the past I have had days, that I felt alone, that I felt like no one cared.. But that was just another symptom of this lovely brain tumor, it messes with my hormones and emotions.. But GOD, has showed me through the love of so many that nothing could be farther from the truth.. First of all God is always, always with me.. And secondly, he has sent me so many WONDERFUL people that are showing my family and I so much LOVE and SUPPORT. I wish I could sit and list everyone. But I'd be here all night and I'd be scared I'd accidentally leave someone off. But I want each of you to know that your love, kindness and generosity is not going unnoticed. I love and APPRECIATE each and everyone of you. I THANK YOU ALL!!
There are days that are difficult waiting, knowing that without treatment Cushing's can be FATAL.. That just doesn't make you feel good about waiting. I know from all the research I have been doing, that all the symptoms I have, and how they have progressively gotten worse, that my body has already been fighting this too long as it is. But like I said I'm choosing to remind myself, that God is watching over me, and whatever his will is for me, He will get us through it. Now that is not saying I don't have bad days, I am only human, and this nasty disease also plays heavily on my emotions at times. But through it all I am working daily to try to stay up beat. No need in focusing on the bad, life is too short, to worry about what might be. Each day we wake up is a BLESSING from God, so ENJOY it. Snuggle with your kids, act a little crazy with them, talk to them about everything (even things that may not be interesting to you, if they are telling you about it, it is interesting to them),always take time to show them that what they have to say matters, never make them feel as if other "things" are more important to you, always tell and show your family and friends how much you LOVE them. Don't wait to later, to send that little note to tell someone just to let them know you are thinking of them or praying for them. None of us are promised tomorrow. So make the most of today. Remember all those little things, one day you will realize those "little things", were the BIG things.So don't let them pass you by!!
Carpe Diem, (Seize the Day)
I love you all! Thank you so much for everything! And remember, Our God is an Awesome God!!
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