Getting thru the Hard Times!

Okay I've stated before that I want to be brutally honest in this blog.. So here goes.

 I've tried very hard to stay positive during this whole ordeal. It hasn't been easy at times. I keep reminding myself that God is there for us, & I know he will see us through all of this. I don't know His plan, I may not understand His plan, it isn't always for me to understand. I'm trying very hard each day to look to Him with complete faith. Praying each day for what is happening & what may come. I've done pretty well remaining positive for the most part. I spend a lot of time praying, & in His scriptures. I try hard to stay positive for my family, I smile, I make stupid jokes, trying to make them laugh & not worry. At times I have to admit trying to stay upbeat can be somewhat exhausting.

But I have to admit something, when I received that letter from the UAB stated I was denied for financial assistance so I could have the needed procedure & the much needed surgery. I wanted to completely breakdown. I held it together and prayed. My daughter was sitting here beside me, so I held it together.

Right now my family is gone to my mom's house. And here comes the brutally honest part.. I'm a complete mess at this moment. I'm having myself one more complete ugly cry moment. One of those can't stop crying times. I'm praying & I know God is listening. At the same time I'm sitting here completely breaking down. I have to admit I'm scared. I'm trying to keep those scared thoughts away, the what ifs... What if we can't get help? What if we can't raise the money for this surgery? What if?? What if?? And I'm scared... If it was just me,  I could say, if it's my time, take me.. But it's not just me.It's my daughter, My mom, my husband, all of my family... I have a precious 13 yr old daughter. Who I am with nearly 24/7, I love that child more than my own life. The thought of not getting to see her grow up, is a horrifying thought. We depend on each other so much. The thought of my mom, who is my very best friend having to go through all of this is awful. She has had more than her shared of bad things to happen in her life, now having to deal with all of this with me. My husband, who I love & thank God for each day, the thought of not getting this surgery, I just don't even want to think about. While thought of the surgery is scary, thought of no surgery seems even more scary. The words without treatment can be fatal, just keep running over & over in my head.. I'm praying, literally begging please dear Lord, get us through this!

So please, please, just pray with me.. Pray for my family! pray that God shows us what we need to do to make it through all of this..