This year I've had to keep my Christmas ordering in check with my dear hubby, due to my lack of memory! Last year I ordered Kaitlyn's presents online. Which was great, EXCEPT the fact I kept forgetting I had ordered Kaitlyn's presents.. LOL Great for Kaitlyn, not so great for the pocketbook. I would get online, see something & think, "Oh No! What are we going to get Kaitlyn for Christmas?" Then I'd look around send in an order.. Well that is all well and good. Except it happened over & over. The packages would come, I'd hide them. Forget all about them.. And repeat this process over, & over & over.. I'm guessing you are seeing the trend, Out of Sight out of Mind.. Well "Out of Mind" for me literally.. Needless to say come Christmas Eve night, when my dear hubby started pulling out presents, and kept finding, more presents, & more presents.. Bless him he was looking at me like, "What in the world have you done.." Of course, my expression was like "WOW! Where did all those presents come from." He would ask, "What all did you order?" ummm..... Blank stare from me.. It was like Christmas morning for me too... We were opening boxes of hidden stuff to wrap, while I'm saying over & over, "Ohhh, What's that??" My poor sweet husband, of course had no earthly idea, but neither did I. Oh, I really liked one shirt, seeing as if I obviously ordered three of the same exact shirt, on three different occasions. Yeah! It sure is a good thing that dear man loves me..Since he just kept shaking his head, all he really said was, "Next year, please no ordering without telling me before you order something, so I can tell you if you have already ordered it or that you've already ordered enough." So I've been a very good girl this year.. :) No ordering without talking to the hubs first.. I remember because he reminds me ;)
Also this disease has taught me a few things. Especially in the past few years. Since I have so many problems, the one good thing that has happened is I've learned a lot about being a more submissive wife.. I honestly would not be able to survive without my wonderful husband. This illness is not mine alone, if effects the entire family. And they get me through each and everyday. I am blessed beyond measure. I thank God everyday for my wonderful family. I love them so much!
One thing it has taught me:
I'll be the first to admit, I need help sometimes with being a submissive wife. It isn't something that comes easy for me. I grew up seeing my mom waiting on my dad, sometimes in my eyes to an extreme.. You know, I was a girl growing up in the time of "Women can do anything a man can do, only better" So instead of watching my mom,& at that time striving to grow up to be a submissive wife..I was guilty of saying, "When I get married, I'm not gonna do this or I'm not gonna do that.. blah, blah, blah.." No matter that I studied my Bible, and saw it said,"...wives, be in subjection to your own husband"- 1 Peter 3:1 In my eyes growing up, I had a tendency to be like so many & chose to ignore that verse, to put my blinders on... to pass over that verse and others like it.. I was young, I was a strong woman. I didn't need a man telling me what to do.. I didn't need to be in subjection to my husband, what century do we live in, Right? WRONG!!!!
I'm proud to say as I've gotten older, wiser, studied my Bible more, & finally became aware that "what I thought" didn't/doesn't matter. It's what God's Word says that matters. It doesn't matter what "century" we are living in,God's word is the same yesterday, today & tomorrow. I started learning slowly little by little. I will not lie, it didn't come easy. Honestly, it was a struggle for me, I've always liked being "in control". I've had a lot of bad things that have happened in my life (which many of you have also, we all have our own demons).. I've been hurt many times & I've seen others I love be hurt. I grew up wanting "control of my life". I was determined I knew what was best. I was not going to get hurt.. I was in "CONTROL"
Trust me, when I say, There were times I had "control" and guess what??? While I thought I was in control, what did I learn.. I wasn't in control.. I did however make some bad choices, those bad choices lead to me getting hurt, that thing I was going to keep from happening, remember?.. So while I'm trying to "control" MY life, so I would not get hurt.. It backfired... Don't get me wrong, I was not a wild child, teen or young adult by any stretch of the imagination.. I was actually considered quite boring.. I was the girl who didn't get invited to a lot of things, due to the fact it was well known that I didn't participate in the things others participated in during those years. But regardless, I still made bad choices, and those choices led to a lot of heartbreak. While I should have been leaving all the "CONTROL" with God. Since he didn't need my help at all. Instead while trying to be the one in control, all I did was mess things up.Thankfully, God got me thru all the mess I created. All the heartache, and along the way I found my prince charming. Now I'm not saying it's all been rosy & easy. Like everyone we've had our struggles through the years. But God has been there for us through it all. Putting Him first is the main thing. Now is that to say, since I had a great husband that I automatically decided to be a submissive wife... Ummm, NO! I still wanted to have "control". I did however little by little get better.
Over the past few years,with dealing with all my health problems, God has showed me & allowed me to come around to knowing how to become a submissive wife. I'll tell you it was HARD for me, to lose "my" control. I like having "CONTROL", I like it a lot. I had always done all the bill paying, keeping track of the finances & etc. Well needless to say when your mind starts getting bad, starts wandering, starts forgetting to write things down or to send stuff in.. Well you get the picture it becomes obvious & beyond any of "my control" that all of it had to change. I wasn't thrilled about this, especially at first. I have to admit now, I survived, the roof did not cave in & I found out that I'm actually quite happy not to be the one having to keep up with it all.. I was also always the one who took care of any type of business, that also had to stop.Since my mind doesn't always work right, & my mouth & mind do not always work well together. I also tried to make a lot of the decisions around here. Guess what? I learned, albeit the hard way, that my husband is quite able to do all of this himself, he did not/ does not need me to tell him "how to" do things.. Yes, I've admitted it before I can struggle a little bit with pride & wanting control.
Through all of this, as hard as this disease is to deal with, I can find some positives. It has taught me how to be a more submissive wife, like I should have always been. It has taught me to consult with my husband when any decisions need to be made. It has taught me that my husband is the true head of this household, not me. Of course, I have a say, but he has the final decision. So while this disease has wrecked my health for years, & we are just now finding out the cause of all my health problems & mind/memory problems. It has taught me a thing or two. I've always wanted to do God's will (sometimes I may have wanted to pick & choose when it came to those submissive wife verses) I have to say thru it all, it has caused me to study my Bible, even more than I did before. I spend a lot of time in prayer each day.
I have learned that worrying changes nothing. I nust admit, I use to be a very big worrier.. Since I like control & all, you know,.. I could worry, with the best of worriers. But guess what I discovered? Worrying changes NOTHING!! God does not need my help, He does not need to explain to me why? Things happen for a reason, do I know those reasons, NO! Do I still wonder sometimes? Well YES, of course! I am only human. I am, however, learning how to let go of my worrying.. Since my worrying does nothing, I repeat nothing to change anything. Only prayer & God can do that.. He is in control, I am not.. Of course I have times I catch myself while reading about the procedures I'm about to face, of going down that path of worrying. But I'm learning to stop what I'm doing & pray, to ask God to get me through what ever we are facing. I have times when I get scared, I'm learning to pray & remember whatever happens God is there for me and my family. He has us in his care. We just have to trust Him & rely on Him. He will get us through this.
So even though I've struggled through the years. I have always tried to teach my daughter that God has a plan for her life, it is her job to pray, to study His Word each day, & to be watchful for His plan. To not get in a hurry & try to "help Him" by trying to speed up the plan. God is in control, only He can see the end results of the choices we make. I try to teach her & pray for her, that every decision she makes in life, even now, will affect her life. Each and every choice she makes will have a consequence. Whether it is a good or bad consequence. Every action has a reaction. I've prayed from the time my daughter was born & will continue to pray for her life, her future, & the man she will one day marry. I pray with her, I study with her & I pray to God on my own all the time for her, her future, her future spouse & future children. I pray she will not get sidetracked from God's plan. I pray she will wait & be watchful for the Godly man HE has in store for her. I pray, unlike me, she doesn't have as hard of a time accepting the role of being a submissive wife. I pray she ALWAYS puts GOD first in her life & in every decision she makes along the way. I love her so much so I pray! That is the best gift I believe I can give her, praying for her, & teaching her God's word.
I've tried to look over this & correct my blunders.. Just keep in mind this takes me a while & a lot of editing, but I still may have some mistakes..
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